Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
