Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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