He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
