Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
