I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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