The maid of honor just puked.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
