I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
