Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
