Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
