I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
