tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
