This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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