Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
