I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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