Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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