SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
