there's paper in my vomit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
