Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alive.
So much puke
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
