she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
FUCK WHALES
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
