Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
