Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
