I need help removing her.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
