i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
