She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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