I can tuck mytits in my pants
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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