I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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