woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
