): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
