I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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