How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
