while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
