i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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