Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize