This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
