Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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