I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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