she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
