Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
