I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
