im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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