Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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