I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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