I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
