idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
