can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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