So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You need a sexual gate keeper
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
