I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
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Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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