so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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