I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
