What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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