oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
