Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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