When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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