We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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