I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
