You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
