I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
