I'm going to jail i love you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
