3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
