I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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