Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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