I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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