flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
