Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
this is an emotional support booty call
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
