well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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