he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
