You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
