i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
