You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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