yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
