Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
