The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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