you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
