Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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