If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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