It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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