told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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