Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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