I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
