Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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