I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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