so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
